A Single Girl’s Dinner
So, my husband is out of town and will be for a few days. I do miss him, but am enjoying living the “single” life again. No, I am not going out to clubs, getting drunk and picking up men. I am taking long hot baths, playing lots of online Boggle, catching up on my gossip magazines and tweezing my eyebrows in the living room (better light). Before he left, he said, “Make sure you eat!” I laughed at him, but now, I understand why he said it, one eats strange things when they live alone…
These strange eating habits are not new to me. I was single for a LONG time. But somehow, I thought being married had “broken” me of these habits. I was wrong. Scary how quickly we can revert to old, comfortable ways. When I had my first apartment (with no roommates) I NEVER cooked. I lived on Lean Cuisines, alcohol, cigarettes and Del Taco (always at 3 in the morning). Looking back it is a wonder I didn’t develop scurvy. Wait! Must have been the grapefruit juice in all the Greyhounds I drank that saved me. At this point in my life I would order Bloody Mary’s because I thought the vegetables that came with it were like a meal! As I got older, I didn’t get much wiser. I was always working in restaurants and would live on pilfered bread which I would dip into salad dressing, olive oil or spicy mayonnaise (REALLY good! Just mix hot sauce into mayo until it is pink). Occasionally I would go to a salad bar… But I still used my stove as storage and had nothing but beer, vodka and every condiment known to man in my refrigerator. I wasn’t alone in this behavior. My girlfriends were the same way. We loved to play the game, “What I ate for dinner”. My friend Adelaide’s go to dinner was an entire sleeve of saltine crackers, each lovingly slathered with mayonnaise. My friend Nicole would stand at her kitchen counter and eat 1/2 pound of cheddar cheese. If I didn’t pick up a Lean Cuisine (can’t even LOOK at these now) I would dip Snyder’s pretzels in mustard & light sour cream. Remember the Lean Cuisine spots where the woman talked about the horrible dinners they ate? Loved that spot, because it was so true. True story, during the L.A. riots, when all the markets were closed, I was forced to live on VERY stale corn tortillas, cream cheese and Del Taco hot sauce for three days. Still, it didn’t change my habits.
I FINALLY broke out of this a few years back and actually, gasp, starting grocery shopping. I realized how nice it was to come home and have something besides fast food ketchup packets, pretzels and canned green beans in the house. You know, real food. So I was rather shocked when I first started dating my husband and opened his refrigerator. A half-eaten can of salmon with a fork in it and a jar of whitefish was all that was there. I told him, “Go shopping!” He did, but I was comforted that single eating habits applied to men as well…
So, here we are, present day and I am alone in a house full of food. Lots of fresh vegetables, cheeses, salsa, fruit, bread, etc. And, when my husband is home I cook! Every night. But he is gone and what do I choose to eat? The first night I had a handful of baked tortilla chips, four strawberries and some chocolate chips. I did drink too many light beers and played Boggle to the wee hours of the morning. Last night I ate some almonds, a whole wheat tortilla with mayonnaise on it (it was delicious!) and some shredded mozzarella cheese straight from the package, standing in front of the fridge. Wow.
So now I face another “single” dinner tonight and would like to think that I can have a proper meal. I am planning on making myself a big salad, but deep down I know I will probably opt for a grab and nibble approach to dinner. Why do we do this? What compels us? I don’t have the answer… I DO know that my husband is eating VERY well on his trip. He has gone out for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday and has eaten salads, fish and other disgustingly normal things.
I am going to be honest. I am not going to go home and make a salad or anything else. I am planning on chips and salsa. Beck’s Light (Try it! Really great & only 64 calories) and more Boggle. I guess I don’t need to understand why I do this… I just do. And secretly, I enjoy it. Like I enjoy driving too fast, scary movies and the Jersey Shore. I feel like I am being bad. And sometimes, nothing feels better than being bad. One more thing, I will put lime in my beer, so I AM getting vitamin C.
Confessions of Secret Eating & Guilty Pleasures
It’s time we all came clean. We ALL secretly eat. And we all have things we eat that are our guilty pleasures. Things we would be mortified if others knew about… Today, I am coming clean. My name is foodwinejunke and I am a secret eater.
So, here it is, almost nightly, after my husband falls asleep, I make my way to the kitchen. Usually it is around three in the morning and by the light of the open refrigerator,I make my “snack”. Most nights it is three corn tortillas with shredded mozzarella cheese put in the microwave for 30 seconds. Then I top them with either real mayonnaise or sour cream and Tapatio hot sauce. I take my food back to bed with me and ever so gently get in beside my husband. I happily eat the three mini-quesadillas while watching Sabrina The Teenage Witch (remember, 3 a.m., options limited). Wow, I suddenly feel much lighter for confessing! Here is the thing though, when I am sleeping, my husband also eats. He is less ritualistic, but he eats nonetheless. How do I know? He leaves a trail of cheese wrappers, empty bread bags & mayonnaise coated knives in the kitchen. I was very comforted when I found this evidence of nocturnal noshing. Oh, I thought, we ARE meant for each other!
As for guilty pleasures, it is time for self-proclaimed foodies to get off their high culinary horse and admit that they too like a grilled American cheese sandwich on Wonder bread! Or a mayonnaise sandwich with Nacho Cheese Doritos. Mine? Velveeta. I tend to be a cheese snob, but I like nothing better than a Velveeta sandwich on sourdough bread with too much mayo, sweet gherkins, lettuce and tomato. Ruffles potato chips on the side. Also, LOVE Del Taco. My husband shares my secret love of Velveeta, but also will sneak in a fried Oscar Mayer bologna sandwich in too. We aren’t the only ones. I have a girlfriend that confessed to me that she loves to eat saltine crackers smeared with mayonnaise. She eats them one after another, right from the sleeve until they are all gone. I say, Yes! Another friend likes to eat an entire Duncan Hines chocolate frosting out of the can with her fingers. Yet another, will eat fruit cocktail from the can, while squirting Reddi-Whip on it. Finally, is the friend that loves VERY cheap frozen pizza with you guessed it mayonnaise on top!
Is this wrong? NO! Can you love these foods and still appreciate the subtle nuances in a well-prepared dish? YES! Furthermore, do we all have our secret eating rituals, that not only nourish us, but also comfort us? I hope so. Because most of the secret eating and guilty pleasures are rooted in our childhood and associated with warm memories. So confess, it will do you good.
I have to go, I want to be alone with my Velveeta sandwich now.
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