Can we please start enjoying going out to eat again?  With the popularity of sites such as Yelp and Tripadvisor and the proliferation of food shows on television, it seems that almost everyone fancies himself a food critic.  Nothing is ever good enough.  The server was slow, the water-glass was dirty, the arugula not quite peppery enough and so on.  I admit, I have been guilty of this behavior myself, but soon realized that I was spoiling the one thing I had looked forward to all week, going out to eat, by nit-picking and criticizing every little thing.  With the economy the way it is, going out is a treat for most of us, so why are we letting others (or ourselves) ruin it?  So I stopped and started simply just enjoying being out, not cooking,  having somebody wait on me, drinking wine and spending time with those I loved.    Unfortunately, many of my dining companions didn’t get the memo… What follows is a description of the most annoying (and dinner ruining) “foodie” behaviors.  If you recognize yourself in any of them, please stop the behavior immediately so the rest of us can enjoy our meal.  Thank you.

My husband and I recently went out to dinner with the professional “Yelper”.  Is that a term? You know the type.  Logged into Yelp the moment they sit down at the table and then obnoxiously recording every moment throughout dinner.  Every dish photographed with his smart phone, every nuance immediately twittered about and written down for the big Yelp review.  Conversation? None.  How do you talk when you’re constantly typing?  Comfort?  Nada.  I mean, really, who is comfortable with somebody screaming, “Wait! Don’t take a bite yet! I need to get a picture first!”  And of course the nit-picking.  “The fork had a spot.  The server rolled her eyes.  The salt level on the pickle wasn’t properly balanced…”  Not only did he ruin our dinner, but also all of those near us by jumping up from the table every five seconds to get a better angle on the “bread shot” or to get a shot of the salad from above.  We were embarrassed, annoyed and, quite frankly, angry.  We wanted to RELAX.  We didn’t care that there was a spot on the fork.  We wanted to eat the bread, not photograph it.  AND we wanted to have a fun evening out.  The “Yelper” made sure that didn’t happen.  It is one thing to  want to share your experience, it is another thing to make the sharing of said experience more important than the actual experience.

The next “foodie” nightmare is the food snob.  We all know at least one.  NOTHING is ever good enough for their phenomenal palates.  NOTHING lives up to their extremely high (and they think educated) standards.  Last year my husband and I had the joy (read the sarcasm) of dining with not just one, but two food snobs.  A husband and wife tag team of, “They call this a gastrique?’ and “The menu SAID French style, but I know French style and this is NOT it!”  We were defeated before we even started.  They harassed the poor server with their, “I detect a hint of cilantro in this dish.  Can you please check with the Chef?”  Questions.  When they were right they gloated.  When wrong, they pouted and blamed the server for not REALLY asking the Chef.  It was a disaster.  I drank way too much wine, I figured drunk was the best way to handle the situation.  My husband, who is a Chef and NEVER acts like these people, took the server aside, apologized and slipped her money.  I am all for educating yourself about food and wine.  But when that so-called education makes you an insufferable pig, then maybe it is time to stop being so “educated” and start simply eating.

The final “foodie” type is the wine snob.  The person that tortures the poor server with 5,000 questions about the wine list and then when he finally chooses a wine, keeps the server standing at the table, bottle in hand, while he obnoxiously smells the cork and “tastes” the wine for ten minutes.  Yes, I DO think servers should be knowledgeable about the wine list, but I don’t expect them to be a Sommelier.  Also, I don’t hold them accountable for what is and isn’t on the wine list.  My wine snob friend once read the riot act to a server because SHE didn’t have a particular vintage of his favorite wine on the list.  Unbelievable!  Learn about wine.  Try new wines.  But DON’T be a prick about it. Please.

There you have it.  I feel better now.  In fact, I am making reservations for my husband and I at a new place.  The menu looks good.  The wine list is interesting.  From the photos, the place looks very pretty.  I am looking forward to having some wine, eating some food and having some relaxing conversation with my husband.  Do I care about the food and service? Yes.  Will I let it spoil our evening if it isn’t exactly perfect? No.  Because, gasp, some things are simply more important than food and wine.