I’m With The Chef
If you follow my blog, you know I am married to a Chef. It is something I never would have thought would happen. After years of working in the restaurant business, I found Chefs to be self-absorbed, egotistical and just not very nice. In fact, I used to tell myself (and my friends) that I would NEVER date a Chef. Flash forward more than a few years and I found myself on my first date with a Chef that would eventually become my husband. What did I tell him on this first date? “I always said I would never date a Chef.” Yes, I said it and he STILL reminds me of it! But date him I did and as you know, went even further down the rabbit hole and married him. So, how has it been? Let me start off by saying I love my husband very much, but there are some “special” things about him being a Chef, to which I have had to become accustomed. What follows is a little peek into what it is REALLY like being married to a Chef…
Get used to doing all the cooking. Yes, you read that correctly, I do all the cooking. My husband cooks and creates fabulous dishes all day at the restaurant, the last thing he wants to do when he gets home is cook. So the meal preparation falls to me. Luckily, I love to cook and my husband enjoys my food. But most people have some fantasy that I am eating beautiful, five-star restaurant meals nightly. If I had a dollar for every time a fan of my husband said to me, “You are so lucky! You get to eat his food all the time,” I would be a very rich woman today. Fact is, the ONLY time I get to eat my husband’s food is when I go to his restaurant.
Say goodbye to traditional date nights. Why? Because Friday and Saturday nights are when everybody goes out to eat (they are enjoying a date night) and my husband has to be at the restaurant to cook food for all those lucky daters. So on Friday and Saturday nights I am usually at home, alone. Oh, we still have our date nights, but they are on non-traditional days, like a Monday. I normally don’t mind too much, but sometimes it would be nice to actually go out on a Friday night.
Get used to eating alone. I eat the majority of my meals solo because as a Chef, my husband works long hours that always go well past a traditional dinner time. So I had a choice, either eat dinner at eleven with him or eat it at a more civilized hour. When we were first married, I would wait to eat with him, but after too many midnight suppers, I had enough. Now I eat my dinner at a normal time, alone.
Rethink Holidays. Chefs work Holidays. My husband is in the restaurant on Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, New Year’s Eve, Christmas Eve, etc. I discovered very early in our marriage that if I wanted to “celebrate” Holidays with my husband, I would have to rethink what they meant to me. So, we celebrate Thanksgiving either very late night or the next day. New Year’s Eve? We ring in the New Year together a couple of days later. Valentine’s Day? We go out to eat a few days later. What I learned, Holidays aren’t a day on the calendar, they are about being with the person you love.
Be prepared for the physical toll. Chefs get tired. They are standing all day cooking. They are lifting, chopping, stirring… So when their day off finally comes and you have planned a full day of dining out, running around and lots of activities, they don’t want to do any of it. What do they want? To lay on the couch, watch some television and nap. This was really hard for me. After spending most of a week alone, I really wanted to get out of the house with my husband and have some fun. Now we compromise, we spend one day relaxing at home and one day running around.
You must love food. This one was easy for me! Chefs are passionate about what they do and want to talk about it, a lot! Be prepared for endless discussions about the qualities of black garlic, the new spice in the potato dish and on and on. Be ready to read hundreds of “new” menus and to hear countless specials. For any really good Chef, cooking comes from the heart and soul, so they are immersed in food every minute of the day. Hence if you are married to a Chef, you will be immersed too.
Be ready for the fans. Today Celebrity Chefs are like rock stars. And just like rock stars, they have their fans. Most are harmless and it is fun to see people get so excited about my husband, the Chef. Then there are those that cross the line. You know the type: flirty and inappropriate. My husband wears a wedding ring and never makes any secret about being happily married, but that does not stop some women (sorry to say, yes it is women) from offering their number, their hotel room key (yes!) etc. I completely trust my husband and that trust is imperative when it comes to the aforementioned craziness. Also, when it comes to fans, be ready to be “the Chef’s wife”. I joke with my husband all the time that I should legally change my name to “the Chef’s wife”. Many times when we go out to eat people will recognize my husband and want to talk to him. That is when I become “the Chef’s wife”. Does it bother me? Sometimes, but not as much as it used to, now, mostly, I just get a kick out of it!
Yes, being married to a Chef has its obstacles, but doesn’t being married to any profession? As much as I didn’t want to marry a Chef, I also didn’t plan on meeting and falling in love with such an extraordinary man, who just happened to be a Chef. I guess that is it really, you marry a person, not a profession. So while being “the Chef’s wife” isn’t perfect, I wouldn’t trade it for the world because that ALSO means I am my husband’s wife and that is just ideal.
The Sopranos- Food Fueled The Mob
I was shocked and saddened by the untimely death of James Gandolfini (aka Tony Soprano) yesterday. I was further shocked by my reaction to his death. I felt like I had lost someone close to me. In a way it made sense, I spent many Sunday evenings with Tony Soprano and his family (mob and genetic), sharing in his angst, shocked by his violence and most importantly, sharing meals. A big reason I loved the Sopranos so much was that they were constantly eating: Sunday meals, antipasto platters during sit downs, endless restaurant meals with the gumars and on and on. I also received quite an education in Italian food! I actually have a list of all the things they ate on The Sopranos that I want to try. So here is my homage to the food that fueled the mob.
Watching The Sopranos, for me at least, was like getting an culinary education about Italian food. I longed to try the exotic meats that they ate with such gusto. Capicola? Yes, please with a little mozzarella. Soppressata? But of course! Also, please pass the Parmesan. Copa on the antipasto plate? Count me in. I also learned so much about Italian pastries. I long to sip an espresso and nibble on a sfogiatelle. Dreamed of visiting Carmela and sharing a Savoiardi and cappuccinos. We would gossip and I would even get some Jersey style nails put on so I too could delicately pick apart the pastry. When Tony brought home sandwiches from Satriale’s, I would pause the television desperately trying to get a closer look at what was in that mouth-watering sub. I drove my husband, who is originally from Brooklyn and has been to Jersey, crazy with questions, “Have you had that? Have you been there? Do you know what that tastes like?’ I simply could not learn enough and The Sopranos never disappointed when it came to teaching me something new.
I also relished the Sunday dinners. Growing up we did not have dinners together, so watching this family come together over too much delicious food was endlessly fascinating. There was always a pasta, meat, antipasto, loads of delicious looking bread and of course, wine. With all the craziness (and killings) Sunday dinner was always important and remained sacred. When Tony and Carmela were separated and Tony’s sister Janice attempted to host Sunday dinner at her house, I felt her pain. She burned the pot roast and gasp, served canned soup. What was Carmela’s first question to Anthony when he comes home from said dinner? That is right, “What did you eat?”
Second to the Sunday dinners in my heart were the mob dinners. You know, when all the guys got together, usually at Artie Bucco’s place, Nuovo Vesuvio, and they talked “business”. These dinners made the Sunday dinners look like a light snack. Platter after platter of delicious food would be placed on the table. Eggplant Parmesan, braised meats, at least three different kinds of pasta and boy, would the wine flow. How I wanted to be seated at that table and partake of all that food and wine. Don’t get me wrong, I had no interest ion the mob stuff, I just wanted to sit, eat, drink and you know, get to know the fellas.
Food was also central in so many story lines on The Sopranos. One of my favorites is when Christopher is tired of paying for all the gumar meals and tries to make Paulie pay. Of course, it backfires and Paulie sets up Christopher with a gigantic bill at a restaurant in Atlantic City. The camera panned across a table laden with lobster, seafood platters, bowls of chowder and empty champagne bottles. As they are leaving the restaurant, Christopher confronts Paulie and says, “You didn’t even touch the Lyonnaise potatoes!” All I could think was, “Mmmmm, Lyonnaise potatoes…” Another great food moment was the dinner after Tony had the car accident with Christopher’s fiance, Adrianna. Rumors were swirling that Tony and Adrianna were having an affair. So how do you stop those wagging tongues? You get the entire family, including Carmela’s parents, together and have a very public dinner at Artie Bucco’s place. They all sit down at the table (Tony and Adrianna still bruised) and guess who is finishing a huge meal next to them? That is right, Tony’s crew. One by one they come by and pay their respects. Along with their respects come the recommendations for dinner. This pasta is exceptionally good tonight. Try this fish dish. The lesson? Even rumors of infidelity with a nephew’s fiance can be fixed by a big Italian meal. Finally, I feel I must mention the episode that included the Feast of San Gennaro. Even with all the other drama going on, they still managed to share with us so much of the food. Sausage and pepper sandwiches, fried Italian donuts etc. Since that episode I have been dying to go to a Feast of San Gennaro and eat everything I saw them eat during that episode.
I could go on and on about all the food moments that touched me in The Sopranos, but I won’t (I can hear the sigh of relief!). David Chase and James Gandolfini created a series that changed American television and paved the way for so many of the ground breaking series we love today: Breaking Bad and Mad Men to name a couple. But beyond that, they used the commonality of a good meal to truly connect with both families, mob and genetic, on The Sopranos. James Gandolfini, you will be missed. Thank God for DVD and reruns so I can continue to get my Sopranos fix and continue to eat vicariously with this complex family.
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