If you follow my blog, you know I am married to a Chef. It is something I never would have thought would happen. After years of working in the restaurant business, I found Chefs to be self-absorbed, egotistical and just not very nice. In fact, I used to tell myself (and my friends) that I would NEVER date a Chef. Flash forward more than a few years and I found myself on my first date with a Chef that would eventually become my husband. What did I tell him on this first date? “I always said I would never date a Chef.” Yes, I said it and he STILL reminds me of it! But date him I did and as you know, went even further down the rabbit hole and married him. So, how has it been? Let me start off by saying I love my husband very much, but there are some “special” things about him being a Chef, to which I have had to become accustomed. What follows is a little peek into what it is REALLY like being married to a Chef…
Get used to doing all the cooking. Yes, you read that correctly, I do all the cooking. My husband cooks and creates fabulous dishes all day at the restaurant, the last thing he wants to do when he gets home is cook. So the meal preparation falls to me. Luckily, I love to cook and my husband enjoys my food. But most people have some fantasy that I am eating beautiful, five-star restaurant meals nightly. If I had a dollar for every time a fan of my husband said to me, “You are so lucky! You get to eat his food all the time,” I would be a very rich woman today. Fact is, the ONLY time I get to eat my husband’s food is when I go to his restaurant.
Say goodbye to traditional date nights. Why? Because Friday and Saturday nights are when everybody goes out to eat (they are enjoying a date night) and my husband has to be at the restaurant to cook food for all those lucky daters. So on Friday and Saturday nights I am usually at home, alone. Oh, we still have our date nights, but they are on non-traditional days, like a Monday. I normally don’t mind too much, but sometimes it would be nice to actually go out on a Friday night.
Get used to eating alone. I eat the majority of my meals solo because as a Chef, my husband works long hours that always go well past a traditional dinner time. So I had a choice, either eat dinner at eleven with him or eat it at a more civilized hour. When we were first married, I would wait to eat with him, but after too many midnight suppers, I had enough. Now I eat my dinner at a normal time, alone.
Rethink Holidays. Chefs work Holidays. My husband is in the restaurant on Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, New Year’s Eve, Christmas Eve, etc. I discovered very early in our marriage that if I wanted to “celebrate” Holidays with my husband, I would have to rethink what they meant to me. So, we celebrate Thanksgiving either very late night or the next day. New Year’s Eve? We ring in the New Year together a couple of days later. Valentine’s Day? We go out to eat a few days later. What I learned, Holidays aren’t a day on the calendar, they are about being with the person you love.
Be prepared for the physical toll. Chefs get tired. They are standing all day cooking. They are lifting, chopping, stirring… So when their day off finally comes and you have planned a full day of dining out, running around and lots of activities, they don’t want to do any of it. What do they want? To lay on the couch, watch some television and nap. This was really hard for me. After spending most of a week alone, I really wanted to get out of the house with my husband and have some fun. Now we compromise, we spend one day relaxing at home and one day running around.
You must love food. This one was easy for me! Chefs are passionate about what they do and want to talk about it, a lot! Be prepared for endless discussions about the qualities of black garlic, the new spice in the potato dish and on and on. Be ready to read hundreds of “new” menus and to hear countless specials. For any really good Chef, cooking comes from the heart and soul, so they are immersed in food every minute of the day. Hence if you are married to a Chef, you will be immersed too.
Be ready for the fans. Today Celebrity Chefs are like rock stars. And just like rock stars, they have their fans. Most are harmless and it is fun to see people get so excited about my husband, the Chef. Then there are those that cross the line. You know the type: flirty and inappropriate. My husband wears a wedding ring and never makes any secret about being happily married, but that does not stop some women (sorry to say, yes it is women) from offering their number, their hotel room key (yes!) etc. I completely trust my husband and that trust is imperative when it comes to the aforementioned craziness. Also, when it comes to fans, be ready to be “the Chef’s wife”. I joke with my husband all the time that I should legally change my name to “the Chef’s wife”. Many times when we go out to eat people will recognize my husband and want to talk to him. That is when I become “the Chef’s wife”. Does it bother me? Sometimes, but not as much as it used to, now, mostly, I just get a kick out of it!
Yes, being married to a Chef has its obstacles, but doesn’t being married to any profession? As much as I didn’t want to marry a Chef, I also didn’t plan on meeting and falling in love with such an extraordinary man, who just happened to be a Chef. I guess that is it really, you marry a person, not a profession. So while being “the Chef’s wife” isn’t perfect, I wouldn’t trade it for the world because that ALSO means I am my husband’s wife and that is just ideal.
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