I came to the conclusion today, that if not for my job, I would weigh 300 pounds. And no, I do not do taxing physical labor where I burn off  lots of calories. Quite the opposite.  I sit at a desk in front of a computer.  But I do like to tell myself that typing burns a minimum of 250 calories an hour! Then how, you may ask, is my job controlling my weight?  Simply because it gets me out of the house and keeps my mind occupied with thoughts other than, “Hmmm. I have rye bread and that great Swiss cheese. I could have a killer grilled cheese!”  Remember, I am a food & wine junkie. When I am at home on the weekend, I am obsessed with food.  I want to go out to eat. I want to stay in and eat. I just want to eat.  I can’t seem to control myself…

Take this past weekend for example.  Friday after work, of course, I went out to an Italian restaurant with my husband.  There I ate cheesy garlic bread (a tad salty, but that didn’t stop me), an Italian salad and pizza.  I went home and drank three glasses of wine (it WAS Friday!) and ate a pint of Arctic Zero ice cream.  I also, got up at three a.m. and ate half a bag of reduced fat Poore Brother’s Chips (I highly recommend these! They are great!) with French Onion Dip.  You would THINK I would wake up and not be hungry, right? Well on a “school” day, yes. On the weekend, not a chance.  Saturday started with breakfast out. Two eggs over-easy, wheat toast (to dip in the yolks) and home fries. That was at about eight a.m.  By ten o’clock I was standing in front of the pantry.  Husband said, “You can’t POSSIBLY be hungry!”  Silly boy! Of course I was! So I ate half a can of mixed nuts and then made a “snack” of French Bread and Brie cheese.  Then it was lunch time!  Made quesadillas with guacamole and sour cream.  I know! Even writing this I am embarrassed already and I am only half way through the weekend.  Saturday night it was out at a local bar where I had an appetizer sampler of fried egg rolls, sweet potato fries and cheesy lavosh.  Once home, I ate a chocolate bar and drank two glasses of Malbec.

Then came Sunday… I knew, once again, I had already pigged-out all weekend so I awoke with a renewed sense of resolve. I would not eat my way through the day.  Then we turned on football and all bets were off!  I mean, really, how am I supposed to control my eating while being bombarded with casual dining, fast food and pizza commercials.  So I made grilled cheese sandwiches ( Muenster on sourdough with a lot of mayo and fresh tomato), then finished of the potato chips and dip.  For dinner I had a pizza and a HUGE salad.  Then ate popcorn, more nuts and a Swiss cheese sandwich. Oink!

So, here I am Monday. Feeling guilty and more than a little bit bloated.  Also, wondering why I can’t seem to control myself on the weekends.  I don’t start the weekends thinking  I am going to  mimic one of  Adam Richman’s (Man Vs. Food) eating challenges. Quite the opposite.  I ALWAYS tell myself that THIS weekend will be different. That I won’t go crazy.  That I won’t undo five days of healthy eating in two.   But then, just like this past weekend, all hell breaks loose and I am unstoppable.

I know all the “whys”.  I know it goes beyond just the simple fact that my job occupies my time during the week.  Anybody who has read my blog knows that for me, food is so much more than fuel.  It is a celebration, a comfort, a friend and at times, like this weekend, an enemy.  I am just struggling with the “hows”.  Like, how NOT to eat like a Sumo wrestler all weekend.  So, what is a compulsive weekend eater to do? Well, for me I am going to REALLY try to not pig out this upcoming weekend.  Believe me, this little confession I just did and seeing, in black and white, all that I ate, will go a long way.

Here I sit.  Monday. The week ahead of me and my weekend pig-out right behind me and sticking its tongue out and taunting me!  I will face this weekend with a plan and stick to it… Everybody needs to have an indulgent meal or two over the weekend. But I will stop there. I will let you know how it goes. Or I could simply hone my over-eating skills and become a competitive eater.  No, I am too aware of what the aftermath of THOSE binge fests would be…