This for all you Superwomen out there. You know who you are, you work, clean, take care of yourself, shop. cook , are loving parents (to children and/or pets), attentive wives/girlfriends and the list goes on.  I know. Because I am in your ranks.  And like the rest of you, I like to believe that I am invincible, with endless energy and that NOTHING can slow me down, much less stop me.  But, inevitably, we all are, in the end, alas, human.  We all have that one thing that can stop us cold and put a real damper on all our superpowers.  For me, it is an ulcer.  I have suffered with it for 14 years now and it never ceases to amaze me how when I am in “episode” I am pretty much useless.  And you Superwomen know how frustrating that is!  We don’t get sick! We nurse the ill.  We don’t get tired! We are highly functioning on three hours of sleep.  Most importantly, we are infallible! Nothing slows us down… Or so we like to think.  But we all have our Kryptonite.  For me, it is an ulcer.

This latest ulcer episode started the way the all do, at three a.m. in the morning.  I woke up in a fetal position, drenched in sweat and REALLY hurting.  People always ask me what the ulcer feels like, it feels like there is a live rat trying to gnaw its way out of my stomach.  So I crawled to the bathroom & took a handful of medication.  It is now at a dull roar, but this episode, like most of mine, will last about a week.  During that time I feel anything but “super”.  I am exhausted from the pain.  Trying to eat or drink ANYTHING is extremely difficult.  Which for a food obsessed person such as myself, is a situation akin to purgatory.  And, you may want to sit down for this, I can’t drink wine! Sob! It is like pouring battery acid in my stomach.  So, here I am, hurting, basically useless, extremely sober and depressed.  But you Superwomen out there know what I am thinking about. ALL the things I SHOULD be getting done.  Deadlines at work.  Cleaning the house.  And on and on and on… Why do we do this to ourselves?

It is a question that comes to my mind quite often.  Being married, I have become a keen observer of the male species.  And let me tell you, they feel no guilt when they are sick or hurting.  Exactly the opposite in fact.  They will lay on the couch and moan as we Superwomen, in addition to everything else we are already doing, bring them drinks, food, blankets and comfort.  Hell, we do this for THEM even when we are sick too. Which ironically, is the REAL sickness.  What is the compulsion?  Have we been brainwashed by the media, our mothers and ourselves that if we are not “perfect”, then we are not worthy of love?  That if we allow ourselves to relax, let the house go for a day, take time just for us, that we will be unlovable?    Men relax. Men take “personal” time.  They go for motorcycle rides, to the bar with buddies and nap in the easy chair on a Sunday afternoon.  And they like themselves.  This HAS to stop!

My Kryptonite is my ulcer.  What is yours? Perhaps it is the bad boyfriend/husband.  The guy that you think if you just love him enough, he will magically change and give you the love you deserve.  Let me tell you from experience, that is not going to happen. I know. I spent a large majority of time in my twenties with these men. And then thank God, I came to my senses.  If a man does not (from the first moment you meet) treat you with kindness, respect, generosity and admiration, then dump his sorry ass!  A lousy man is Kryptonite that is easy to lose.  But if your Kryptonite is like mine, an issue which you have only a modicum of control over, then it gets a lot harder.  Superwomen are good at “ignoring” pain.  We smile through excruciating menstrual cramps, glide through business meetings in pumps that are killing our feet and patiently listen to our husband’s tell us (for the fourth time) about the jerk at work while suffering with a raging migraine.  That is why when we do experience pain that stops us cold, it is so damn frustrating.  What? We don’t let pain stop us!  But it does and it should.  It is our body’s way of saying to us, “Slow down. Take care of yourself. Or else…”  It is the “or else” that FINALLY gets me to take a minute.

So, what are we Superwomen going to do? I have a radical proposal. Stop being so damn Super!  I know, it is going to be hard, but it must be done.  We, as women, need to know our worth.  We are lovable and worthy of attention and care solely because we ARE, not because we are trying to imitate the woman in the Enjoli TV commercial.  You know the one, sing it with me sisters, “I can bring home the bacon. Fry it up in a pan. And never let you forget you’re a man. Because I’m a woman.”   So, stop doing everything.  When you are sick, rest. And let your husband/boyfriend take care of you.  Trust me, unless he is the aforementioned ass that you already dumped, MOST men WANT to help.  If you are in pain, tell someone.  Let them help you.  Take me time (and no the gym doesn’t count).  Take a hot bath, get a manicure with a friend, go out to lunch, anything that makes you (and nobody else) happy.  If we love and respect ourselves, so will those around us.

I have to admit. Letting go of some of that “Super” has made me feel better.  The ulcer I can’t help, but my behavior I  can… Now if you will excuse me, I am going to go slip into a hot bath and let my husband bring me a beer. Yes, a beer. For some reason it is one of the few things I can put in my tender stomach that not only doesn’t hurt it, but also makes it feel better.  Cheers!